this is it..

www.nyjolenegrey.com

it's far from done, but when is a site ever done.
However, this is where I'll be jotting down whatsnots from now on.

:)
Nyj.

Sounds in the Attic

Ok, so my website isn't done yet, but since a few days I'm working on a project that I want to share with y'all and I can't wait till my site is done to do it.

I'm busy making songs that are completely produced and sung by me.

*mega grin*

It is soooo much fun!

The songs are a little basic and simple, cause I'm kinda new at this. But my music program has lots of samples that I can use, and I try to 'compose' things that I can't find but want to hear.

So far I've been able to keep most of my songs close to the original idea I have in my head, and that's really inspiring.

Anyway, the songs i've uploaded on my hyves, so if you're curious, you can hear them there.

The first 3 songs (of Sounds in the Attic)

enjoy!

PS: Naturally, when my site is done, you'll find them there too.

my website

Haven't been here for a while, cause I'm moving out...

I'm working on my new home... it's far from done, but when it is (or at least presentable), I'll post the location here.

Ciao

Happy day...

1. My hubby found me this website: www.happynews.nl Yeah!
2. Started my little girl's second Scrapbook.
3. My Gilmore Boxset came in (no more downloaded episodes!!)
4. Had a fantastic evening with a girlfriend in Utrecht...
5. Just heard the song 'I Do Worship' a song a covered in a Gospel Choir that I left in 2005. I dropped all things Christian after I left, but the emotion behind the song still brings tears to my eyes...

Life is beautiful...

Gilmore Craze...

I'm starting to sound like Lorelai.
It's pretty serious. At work today I couldn't stop ranting.
I know I talk a lot, but today...non-stop. Like a big pink bouncy ball that won't stop bouncing.
Or.... like Lorelai. She has the longest monologues a person can have. Now I am no Gemini, and according to my Gemini friend Lorelai represents one, but I am a Capricorn, and all the Capricorns at ABC talk... a lot. Anyway, guess what, I'm ranting now...

I always do that!
I get so caught up in a character, that I start copying things.
I remember when Beverly Hills 90210 was on tv, I was ehm young... dunno how young, I'd say in my early teens, and I loved 'Brenda'... before I knew it, I was raising my eyebrow at anyone who said anything I didn't agree with (excluding my parents).
Then when Clueless came, the eyebrow was replaced with a 'Whatever...'
And after that I got hooked on Ally McBeal, and got lost in the whole 'I'm weird and do funny dances and talk to things that aren't real'-craze, and now... I rant, and my sarcasm is right up there at the personal nr. 1 spot of recognizable Nyjolene characteristics. Lorelai-ism...

I need help...

(Can't stop watching though.... refuse to stop... no matter what they say... won't do it... can't do it.... it's not that bad.... really!.... it'll go in time... just can't give it up.... won't.... refuse to... can't make me... please don't make me... No!... ...)

Mr. Jose Abreu, I Solute You...

http://www.ted.com/talks/jose_abreu_on_kids_transformed_by_music.html

I just listened to this.
That was simply beautiful.
Gotta share...

Only Just Discovered....

Fun Lovin' Criminals....

(Don't Laugh...)

Anyway...

Enjoying...

A week filled with music, Saturday

My booking agency is run by 2 people. One of them had a 40th Surprise Party.
There would be a cover band (Jewelste), and artists were asked to sing a song with that band if they wanted to. Naturally I wanted to, so I received a list with songs that they could play.
Scanning through it, I didn't know any of the songs very well.... except Valerie, and.... Britney Spears' first single....
Let's just say I had a 'Blink' moment. Instead of choosing Valerie, a song I've performed before, and I know well enough.... I chose Britney.
Later I called my other booking agent (who was organizing it) and checked what he thought of the choice. He had to speak in code, (she was in the office) but the message was clear... Green Light.
It seemed funny at the time...
Singing... 'Hit Me Baby One More Time...'
By Saturday I'd lost that feeling completely. However, I decided on a 'Melissa Etheridge' approach to the song. At work that day, I ran the idea by 2 of my colleagues.... I believe one instantly cracked up, but both had a strong air of disbelief that any approach could make that song even remotely ok...
So I want to the venue, still not quit believing I was really going to do this. As I had to work, I didn't get to soundcheck, so it was all going to be one big surprise.
I checked the setlist... I was half way down, so I used that time to loose my nerves in 2 glasses of gin-tonic.
The party was so much fun, that by the time it was my turn, I didn't care anymore. I mixed up the energy of Melissa with the vocals of Britney, without the nerves to stand in my way, and...
ripped it up.... :D
It was a total success!
Thank God for 'Blink'-moments!
The Birthday girl loved it, the audience loved it... and quit frankly, I loved it...
It was really cool!

I promised Ester (one of the disbelievers) that if I'd pull it off, I'd blog it. So here it is... :)
Now I'm gonna get some sleep...
(on vacation tomorrow, and I've still got lots to do)

A week filled with music, Friday

I got a call Friday from Kemna Casting (Casting agency for Joop v/d Ende), asking if I'd like to audition fro Hairspray in Germany.

However honored that I was called, I had to decline....

A week filled with music, Wednesday

So then Wednesday I get a call from a girlfriend who I haven't seen in ages, telling me there's 'The Hague Jazz' warm up in The Hague, and Frank McComb is playing.
Now, some people love Luther Vandross, some love Barry White, some love Marvin Gaye, some love Prince.... I love Frank McComb (Ok, I love Prince too, but you know what I mean...). He has written songs that have touched me to my core, in ways that gives me goose bumps time & time again. He moves me. I played his song when I lost my son. His voice is like a mix between Donny Hathaway & Stevie Wonder, and then that taken to another level...
Anyway,
The first time I ever saw him perform, in Paradiso, he was playing my favorite song, so here I am, in the audience, eyes closed, swaying to this song, and in the middle of his piano solo he says: "Yeah, you get your groove on girl." It didn't really register, certainly didn't think he was referring to me. But then he said, "Yeah, you with the glasses on..." So I look up, and he's actually looking at me!.... That night I went home a happy chick.
Then in Feb. 2007 I went to Java Jazz in Jakarta with 'Daughters of Soul', and I met him. ( I don't think he knew I was that same girl, though.... :-)
We were singing with Lalah Hathaway (daughter of Donny) as she was one of the Daughters, and they are friends, so I got to meet him. (I also got to chill in the hotel room of Chaka Khan!!!!!! at a sort of 'after party'.... looking back it seems like another life) anyway...
Me and Deidre, one of the backing vocalists, were both nuts about his voice, so we went to check out his rehearsal with the band, & later had a bite to eat with them, crazy...
That's 2 years ago. Now last year, I went to check his show in Amsterdam. After the show he came to the lobby and I bought the CD's I didn't have yet, & had him sign them, it kinda felt like the groupie stalking the celeb-thing, so I kept it short.

But now Wednesday, I'm here 'op t Plein' in the Hague, waiting for this show to start, and I'm chatting with my friends while waiting, and I look up, and Frank is there looking at me, like 'is that you?' Baffled that he'd spot me 'in a crowd' while he's on stage I couldn't help but grin, so he goes: "See! I knew it was you! How are you!" Still a little shocked I mumbled something, close to a "Great & you?" and then made myself as small as i could, as he continued with the set up.
Half way the show, he says to the audience: "What song do you want me to sing... 'Keep Pushing on?' Then he turns to me (I kid you not..) and asks, "What song do you want to hear?" Now, 'Keep Pushing On' was that favorite song, so naturally I said 'Keep Pushing On'...
Inwardly grinning the compete rest of the show.
After the show he even came to the 'front' and gave me and my girlfriend (who in a way looks like Deidre who he met in Jakarta, so I think he got them mixed up) a quick hug before running off again.

Once again I went home a happy chick.

A week filled with music, Tuesday

Tuesday a friend of ours popped by unexpected to show of his new motorbike. He and I are also working together on a music project, so after my hubby & he had spent some time outside admiring his Ducati he came in for a drink. (The bike is bright Red with Black & White.... As flashy as a Ferrari on 2 wheels... Pretty Cool.... Have I ever mentioned someone gave me a ride in a bright Red Ferrari? It only took about 5 minutes, but a nice memory none the less)

So even though he'd meant for it to be a short visit... we got talking about the song we're working on, came up with some new ideas... it was fun.

The great thing about it is. The style of music is, well, I guess... Trance. Not the kind of music I generally listen to, but it seems I've heard it enough to understand it & to create the vocals that fit a trance song. It's really been fun. This is the second song we're working on and it's really catchy. It's so different lyrically from my own style, that it makes me feel 'proud' that I can pull it off... Kinda like vocal-acting.

Grey Day Today...

There's something lovely about a grey day in Spring.

When you're at home all day in your PJ's, sipping a warm cup of tea & reading a book,
while you're little girl is listening to reggae music in her rocking chair &
you're hubby is taking a nap, 'cause he had a 'late night with the boys', and needs to catch up on some sleep...

Who needs the sun all day every day?
Nothing wrong with Grey ;-)

Over-Qualified

Yesterday I was part of a singing contest at the CKC in Sweet Lake City (where I follow singing lessons).

It's my first year and this is my first contest. So I signed up.

I want to improve my technique, so I try to sing songs by women that vocally intimidate me, like Christina, Whitney, Beyonce, Mariah.... 

So for this contest my teacher suggested I sing 'Beautiful'. Great song, but the bridge is killing. I did my best at the contest, hit some interesting off-key notes and at times sounded like a kettle with boiling hot water, but apart from the bridge, it went well, so I was pleased.

Today I got the call..... They kicked me out of the contest.

(They brought it as subtle as they could, and hoped I understood, which I did.... still do...)

See, before you start singing, they ask you how long have you had singing lessons (since September) and do you intend to go pro (well, more like continue what I'm doing, but work on my technique).

So after hearing me, they decided that as I was more or less pro already, I was out of balance with the other contestants....

Hmmm....

I didn't really enter to compete, I just wanted to challenge myself, so I don't mind not getting the chance to 'go to the finals'. It's a compliment really. I mean, I was worried that I wouldn't make the next level due to the awful notes I hit in the bridge....

So initially I was cool with it.

But now that I've had 2 glasses of Grappa, and watched 2 episodes of Gilmore Girls (feeling a lot more honest), I do find it a little shame.

I guess if you can't test your abilities at the school where you're trying to grow, (some kids had 5-6 years of singing lessons...) it seems the only option is to throw your face on tv and compete with people that are trying to be famous... A bit too grand scale for me, with way too many side effects that I'm not too keen on.

Guess I'll continue practicing in my classroom.

Just for the record, I hope to one day sing:

-'Listen' from Beyonce

-'You Put a move on my heart' from Tamia

-'One moment in time' from Whitney

So after 'Beautiful' that's what I'm going for.

If you have any suggestions for challenging songs, let me know.

I'll diligently and silently work on them in my classroom.

Kind regards,

A somewhat sad Nyjolene...

(Time for 3rd episode of Gilmore Girls.... then 'bed'... need to be on time for work tomorrow)

A month later...

.... never did mention if the bread was good.
(It was!!!!)
I didn't make 6 loves, just 2, and it was really good.
Really filling too.

It was my intention to repeat this bread-making success last Sunday at Billekens-Fennema Residence, as I had been informed that there's a pretty good bread baker there.
But when I got to the Hague (don't ask how, the trip was disastrous), and had settled a little (changed diaper, fed hungry baby and had a cup of tea), we decided that a stroll to the private Billekens-Fennema Garden Complex was a better idea.
(Why bake bread when you can relax in the sun & watch friends plant carrots & onions & clean out weed & such).
It was perfect. The garden is bigger than I imagined, and filled with all kind of plants & flowers & strawberries to be (wild & tamed). There was even a plant that smelt like Maggie (the weirdest, never heard of it before).
There's still lots to be planted & maintained & grown, but it looks 'lived in'. Like a home you've just moved into, you're still working on, but already feels cozy.
We (Deyora & I) enjoyed watching them (Bart, SophieB & Liels) work away while we sat in the shade, humming & relaxing.

As much as I'd like to bake bread there one day, I really look forward to spending an afternoon in their garden again.

Baking Bread...

There's something satisfying about it...

My cousin called me the other day from Ireland.

She mentioned that she'd just finished baking bread.

I (stupidly) asked... "with a bread machine?"

"Bread machine?? No Man!" was the very Jamaican accented reply.

I couldn't understand how she did it, she's got 3 very active boys and a full time job as 'something in architecture'... dunno exactly, but buildings become very interesting and artistic when she speaks about them.

Anyway,

turns out she bakes 6 loaves of bread every Sunday, for her family.

No buying bread, no bread machine, just good old fashion kneading by hand, every week...

Respect....

So I asked her to give me the recipe...

"Recipe?? was the very Jamaican accented reply...

"There's no recipe, love, you just bake it as is family tradition...."

Now I must say, my dad and my sisters used to bake bread...

But I hadn't.

The whole kneading thing put me off.

I'd tried it an odd time after I'd left home, but it didn't 'double in size' no matter how long I left it to rise, was rock hard and, well, not worth repeating.

So I asked her to pass on this tradition verbally so I could give it a try.

Off by heart she passed on the ingredients, amounts and how to do it...

Ok...

So I looked at the piece of paper with the notes I jotted down, for a few days,

then brought myself to buy the ingredients so I could bake it with Easter...

Didn't....

And so, tonight, after putting D to bed, and kissing my hubby goodnight (he needs to wake at 3 am, poor thing) I went into the kitchen, and started to bake...

Kneading the flour into dough is a very intense process!

The amount of flour in my bowl was daunting.. (my bowl was way too small and I'd used my biggest) so I split the dry ingredients, then added the 'luke warm' water and just pushed my hands in the gooey sticky stuff, trusting that at some point it would stop sticking to my hands and actually start looking like something I could knead.

Thank God the structure changed, and I was able to knead it on the table.

It was a great feeling! Really working the dough, and letting your mind drift while your busy.

It was fun! and not half as difficult as I remembered.

So now I'm gonna let it rise over night (I vaguely remember someone saying that leaving it that long is no problem).

Tomorrow I hope it has risen and then I'll knead it again and bake it.

I really hope it tastes ok... but even if it doesn't,

I'll soon try again, till I get it right.... the experience was too fun to leave as a one timer.

Iron Man...

Oeh yeah baby :D!

This film was a win,win,win compilation all round!
For one, it was a great film! The story works, it was entertaining and not too serious.
Secondly, it was Marvel! that alone would make me want to see it.
Thirdly.... Helloooooo Terrence!!!
And last but not least.... My reason for watching Ally McBeal (After Ling, naturally), Robert Downey Jr..... Hubba...
The great thing is, he doesn't over do it.
He doesn't do a Hugh Jackman, (who kinda overworks the I-didn't-put-much-effort-into-looking-this-hot- look), but still you watch the film and you melt!
I don't go for big muscles, but in the odd scene, here and there.... Check Out The Arms!!!! Hubba...

I'm not a Gweneth fan (at all!!!) but even she was cool in the film.
And a tiny fun suprise, Leslie Bibb from Popular was in it!
(Popular= weird Ally McBeal-like series that I used to watch when it was on tv)

I'd seen the film in the cinema in England last year, but I had a terrible stomach-ache and was unable to really enjoy it. As my hubby hadn't seen it yet and wanted to, he bought it, and we watched it together.... Yep... a keeper...

I'm reading again!

Lots & lots....

I've started this vampire series (Marked, Chosen, Untamed... ) by mother and daughter Cast.

And it's soooo much fun!

I tried the whole Twilight craze, but after browsing a few pages, I decided that it was as terrible as Outlander (who wrote that again SophieB?)...

Not my style. I'm thinking of checking the film, but only cause my sweet SophieB saw the film, then desperately ripped up a brand new GQ magazine to swoon over actor's face every time she opens her locker. And even though our taste in books is as close as black and white, our taste in men is more or less the same.

However the book 'Marked' caught my eye, so I started reading.

It's young.... the main character is about 17, but I won't let my kid read that book at 17 lest she gets any crazy ideas about love, lust, men and such....

It's a fun read. And even though the vocab is a 2008/2009 version of clueless (not a problem) and just about, not as bad as Gossip Girl (a problem), I want to know how it all ends.

So, while I'm waiting for 'Hunted' (part 5 already!) I'm reading a biography of Ella Fitzgerald.

Superb! The person who wrote it is really interested in who she was, recognizes her brilliance, but doesn't turn her in to a goddess (like they turned Louis Armstrong in to a god in a biography I was (therefore) unable to finish, and like Gandhi turned himself into a Saint-from-birth-tainted-by-this-wicked-world-and-it's-sins in his autobiography, which I was therefore also unable to take seriously or read for more than a few chapters.)

But that's not all!

I also read a thriller!!!! Haahahah Finally!

It's a chick-lit murder, with no real investigation, or gory blood scenes, just 2 nosy lady-friends trying to solve a murder case. (Kinda like Rita Mae Brown, but without the cats).

It's called Death By a Dryer (as I said, far from serious, but much fun to read!) By Simon Brett.

Oeh, and I almost forgot..... (here it comes)

I read a fiction book..... in fact, turns out it came from SophieB's section, so that makes it a romance book (but not half as terrible as Outlander hahahaha)

So I actually enjoyed a romance! Who would have thought.

It's 31 Dream Street... can't remember who wrote it... it was a reject without a back, so after I read it, I threw it away... but it was entertaining!

As soon as Hunted comes in, I'll drop Ella and continue my vampire story, but after I've finished that, I'll try another thriller/chick-lit, or who knows... another fiction/romance book...

A message from Canada

My grandma called!
Totally out of the blue.
Well, not totally.
She'd called my big sis, as she's just had a son, and then asked her for my number and called me too!
It was so cool to hear her ask: "How is Carmel doing?" As I'd named Deyora after my grandma (Carmel). It was really great speaking to her.

Almost 6 months...

Time really does fly.
Our little girl is nearly 6 months old! It's been an interesting 6 months.
I've grown & developed so much in these passing months, it's really insane.
It's been an ongoing challenge to find harmony in so many chaotic changes.
It's true that the moment you have a child to take care of, everything changes.
Your character, your relationship, your time and how you spend it...
How you look at 'problems', your morals... Pfff... Everything.
Not to mention the ongoing changes your child goes through.
Just today, we discovered that she can sit, without help (and then ungraciously fall over onto the bed). She's very into snuggling on the couch and she's only just started eating different fruits & veggies.
Every new stage is still 'scary', but we really are a team of 3. We all see things differently in the beginning, (trust me, 'Little Miss' has a very clear opinion on things), but then we work it out together, we find this 'new rhythm' to life that works, until the next fase pops up.
It's intense, but 'dealing with it' makes me feel very capable & somewhat in control of things.
It's like I know there is this note to every aspect of my life and it's an ongoing challenge to create a beautiful song with all those notes & the instruments at my disposal. So far I'm liking the sound of things (disregarding the few 'off' notes I've heard along the way).

Writing of music, that's really been my thing these last few weeks.
I'm sorting out all my CDs plus all the music I have on the computer. On my free evenings I copy all my CDs onto my computer, then listen to them, deleting songs I don't like anymore, and putting the rest on alphabetical order by song.... Very much a 'Nyjolene Neurotic Project' but it makes me happy.

A friend of mine once gave me all the CD's Stevie Wonder ever made in mps form. I never took the time to listen to everything, until now. That guy has a way of hitting some interesting notes when he sings! You can also 'feel' his journey through music. He has truly explored all kinds of creative worlds. Not everything is my thing, but it was great to hear.
There was this song: Come Back As A Flower (I think that's what it's called), he doesn't sing it, I think his daughter does... not sure, but it's soooooooo pure. I never knew I had that!
Then I'm also checking my hubbies music in the process, just so I don't miss any good stuff.
He has a lot of funky songs by musicians I've never heard of, that are great to listen to.....
But he also has music that is ... well... to put it mildly, not my style.
He has some heavy metal music in his collection that my brain can not handle for much longer than 2 seconds, tops. I'm sure there's some great artistic music somewhere in between all that noise, but I simply can't find it.
Anyway, some songs I've loved forever, all of a sudden don't do much for me, and I throw out, and things I haven't heard in ages, gives me pos. goose bumps when I hear it again.
Now listening to Bilal: All That I Am. Delicious groove, feel good vibe, mind blowing notes...
One of the few songs on his album that I actually kept...

A Blue Day

This is one of those days when so much has happened, that I’ve become a little numb to it all.You just want the day to pass as quick as possible, so you can forget it.
The fantastic thing was however that I was early for work. A great accomplishment.
Another good thing was that, due to the fact that I’m not often ‘out of it’, all my collegues were understanding and gave me space on my ‘Blue Day’.
My boss was kind enough to let me leave at 18:00 sharp, even though she’d scheduled me for a 18:15 shift.
I found out that my daughter picked up her soother and put it in her mouth by herself (first time!)
I tasted a wicked chicken and chutney sandwich.
Then tasted a really good nasi when I got home (like the one he cooked for me just before we got together ;-)
I felt my daughter cuddle up in my arms while I carried her to bed… that always feels special…She fell asleep without a fuss.
I had some great conversations with some beautiful people.
My mom told me she loves me…

Looking at it that way, it’s a pretty good Blue Day….

You Don't Know Nothin'...

I just spent a half an hour, listening over & over again to You Don't Know Nothin' from For Real...
That is one of the most delicious songs to listen to.
I remember when I'd seen it for the first time on Mtv, and almost died.... then waited day after day till it would come again so I could record it in my video tape.
The years later, I lost the tape & desparately tried to buy the CD somewhere. By that time it was hard to find, cause the didn't become very big.
At 18 I went to America to visit my Aunt & Uncle in Atlanta.... and in her CD collection I find..... For Real. Inspired by another song on that CD, I wrote a song: How, that was later used on the 1st album of the gospel choir Inside Out.
I tried to buy the CD in America, but couldn't find it.
When I returned, I tried in Holland, but it was only available on Amazon.... & I didn't have a creditcard, nor did anyone I know... so I gave up.
I don't remember how I finally did get the CD, but it was years later and I was thrilled.
It's not a very good album, in fact it's pretty boring, but it had that song!
Then in 2007 when we lived in the Hague... a box of CD's was stolen from our apartment... We'd just moved, and the house was filled with boxes. Our land lord had given copies of our key to so many different 'handymen' that came to fix stuff in our home, when we found out the box was missing, we changed the locks, but that didn't get me back my CD's.
Anyway,
Miss Ann (from Wicked) and I one day decided that we wanted to write songs together...
We were brainstorming on the songs that were special to us and she mentioned For Real.... I was esstatic (?) turns out she had the song, the breakdown of the different voices & all that....
She sent them to me somewhere last year...
Now, cleaning up my gmail... I found the song....
Nostalgia.....
Listened to it over, and over again....

Sense & Sensibility....

I know...
But I can explain.

We have a stack of old video's in our house, and yes, Sense & Sensibility is one of them. I once bought it for 5 euro's in a cheap store close to my work, but never watched it. It was more a nostalgia thing, I'd seen it once in the past on TV, knew it was a classic, liked the actors, so bought it. Many many many years later, we decided to ditch all our video's and buy back the good ones as DVD. To truely judge what is (still) good, we decided to watch them all.
Now I'm home, my little girl is in bed, I'm re-platting my hair and can only listen to music or.... continue with our video project.
I'd already been surprised by what was staying and what was going.
I parted with Bad Boys (till then in my top 5 films because of some really goodlooking scenes that unfortunately now adays doesn't so much as make my heart skip a beat) and found that The Rock truely is a classic and worth having on DVD.
The Golden Child was great to watch again but not nesseccerily to posses on DVD, and The Lion King has every right to join the DVD collection, but not for the price that you have to pay for it these days. (second hand about 60 euro's....)
So I truely didn't know what to expect. Well.... it's kind of a Golden Child story, in fact, Eddie and 'brother Numspa' are far more entertaining than Hugie in S&S. He's terrible! Unbearibly soft, and has none of the charm he has in Bridget Jones Diary, About a Boy or Music and Lyrics)Thank God for Alan Rickman, who I've been in love with ever since Robin Hood, right up to Harry Potter (including the video clip with the Texas-girl, not including him as Snape).

Anyway, I enjoyed it.... don't need to see it again.
I'm more of Clueless girl (that my sweet little-known-facts-expert girlfirend pointed out to me, is based on Emma).
That film has remained in my top 5 for about 13 years now. I've seen it a gazilion times, can almost quote every line and, it's linked to memories of hilarious sleepovers, and my vocabulary slash dresscode at 16. It even inspired me to put all my clothes in the computer and combine them to 'set outfits'.
I wish I could say I'm less neurottic these days...
At least my vocab improved...
Can't remember the last time I said 'whatever'...
Yet, everytime I use the word 'sporadically', I flash back to the movie...
Or everytime I hear 'All By Myself'
Or see Brittany Murphy in any film...
Or watch Legally Blond...
Or....
...

Dit moet eff in t nederlands

Ok,
Vandaag was een zware dag. D. had niet al te best geslapen, dus na t werk was ik kapot.
Toen moest ik m'n kleine nog bij oma halen, en t was voorbij d'r bed tijd, dus ze was erg overstuur toen ze m'n stem hoorde...
Was wel lief, zodra ze in d'r maxi zat (moest echt vechten om haar er in te krijgen) toen was ze ineens rustig... die wist meteen... ik ga naar huis!!
Thuis was ze dus ook weer relaxed. Ze is na haar ritueeltje rustig gaan slapen en heeft niet meer gejammert (de laatste tijd jammert ze nog even een poosje door voordat ze echt inslaap valt, en slaapt dan ook onrustig de rest van de nacht).
Toen ze in bed lag belde m'n mannetje even om te kijken hoe alles was gegaan, en lichte nog even uit dat America's Next Top Model op tv was.
Ik was net optijd voor t laatste stukje, en omdat de tv toch al aan was en ik nog moest eten besloot ik ook Project Runway te kijken.... en Janice Dick-nogwat- Agency, en pas bij Beauty And The Best realiseerde ik me dat ik geen tv hoefte te kijken (ik ben niet echt een Janice fan.... ik vind d'r een beetje eng), maar wilde wel wakker blijven tot m'n mannetje thuis zou komen.
Dus om 23:30 komt de lieverd binnen, we kletsen een beetje over de dag en nogwat, ik geef aan dat ik toch echt ga slapen want ik ben zo gaar als wat... er valt zo'n duffe stilte omdat we beide moe zijn en ineens zegt ie:

"Die blonde lag er bijna uit he?"..........


Oh! Hij revereerde naar America's Next Top Model, een programma die hij totaal niet boeiend vind! T klonk zo raar uit zijn mond, omdat ie echt geboeid had zitten kijken (op z'n werk)...
Hij had er ook echt een mening over.... Hij vond die blonde echt stom, maar begreep Tyra wel met haar keuze.....

*stilte*
En toen schoot ik kei hard in de lach....

Toch leuk als je mannetje zich zo verdiept in je favoriete maar onzinnige tv programmas.
Wat wil een chicka nog meer ;-)

Lunch with my little bro...

My little bro came by the store yesterday at lunchtime, so we grabbed a bite to eat at V&D.
It was great talking to him cause we don't see each other much. He's busy with school & recording his second album with F, and I've been busy with D. He gave me a compliment/ advise though, that left me giddy all day.He said I pull away too fast (in general) for fear of critisizm, and I needed to get over that cause it was my only flaw...... GRIN!!!!

Naturally, I focused on the word 'only' instead of 'flaw', and was, as I said, giddy for the longest.
But the message was clear....It gave me something to think about...

I've got a great brother.... :)

Blown away...

A friend of mine sent me a card with Christmas.
She is about 6 months older than my little brother, and I’ve known her since she was very young. She was part of a singing group I set up in my late teens, she was a member of the youth group in our church when I was leader, and when I left, we stayed in touch.

She’s a scatterbrain of sorts, with her own timing to life and always busy with her personal(ity) development. Once in a while we meet up, talk for hours and hours and then go about our own lives again. She has a beautiful, creative and unique personality, that she's 'growing into', and I love talking to her, cause she speaks as she thinks and that leaves no space for pretence or ego.

As I said, she sent me a card with Christmas, wishing me and my family the best for 2009 and then she added something along the lines of: “I hope I won’t blow you away with this, but I really see you as “A Master of Life Art” (een Levenskunst Meester)
At all the important moments in her life, I had been there to help her through them…

……

Needless to say she blew me away….

The compliment was so big, that it had me off balance for the longest.
How do you deal with such a beautiful statement.
In flashes I feared that she’d greatly misjudged me and expected something from me as a person that I could not live up to. I went down the mental lane of…. I Haven’t Done Anything! We’ve had great conversations about all kind of aspects of life, it felt good to know each other, but ‘Levenskunst Meester’…. Pfffff…. All we do is talk!!
In a way Ialmost feel ashamed to write about it, cause it meant so much to me…. but feels so BIG.
I’m all for complimenting people, but this….. was just a little too BIG to just gracefully accept and say: ‘Thank you darling, you’re too kind.’
You know?

On the other hand, I was very passionate about that youth group and their development when I was their leader. Even though the age difference was no bigger than a few years, they kinda felt like my kids, and I put a lot of energy into our time together.

So when you get that kind of feedback, I guess you really should just smile, give the darling a big hug and thank her…. If you’ve made such a difference in someone’s life, and they see you that way, It’s only beautiful, even if it is a bit overwhelming…

zo moeder, zo dochter....

Every once in a while at a family gathering, we go down memorylane...
A family member is chosen, usually due to a comment they make that serves as a trigger, and every crazy, stupid, cute and funny thing about them is called back to life.

Thanks to these 'get togethers' I remember that my first songs were based on the theme of "Mariannetje zo zwart als roet" ( I just googled that... it's "Moriaantje zo zwart als roet" it's a very short song, but my version had a gazillion verses... I could spend my sundays trotting through the house making up verse after verse after verse after verse and driving my sisters MAD) and the tune of the 'Bounty' advert that was on TV at that time...possibly in the days of 'Sky Channel.... (remember Sky Channel????) all I know is, it sterted with "When I look into your eyes, I can see Paradise...." after those 2 lines I was offf... making up al kinds of sentences that I felt fit with the song. And as with "Moriaantje" every time I sang it, the story would be different.

Round about those same years, my sisters and I would make up stories at night before going to bed. The eldest one would begin, and tell a really exciting one, then the second would follow, and then they'd brace themselves for my story.
They tried to listen for about 5 minutes max. then they'd be asleep. This wasn't because my sisters were extremily cruel and didn't want to hear my adventures, but because my stories (as my songs) went on FOREVER.... all glued together with the phrase "En Toen..." which I used very very often, hoping this would keep the story interesting..... it didn't...

Terribly sidetracked... the reason I brought this up, is because even before I could talk and make up songs, I was forever humming. All day, everyday I would hummmm....
And, last night, I heared my little girl hummmmm... for the first time.
*smile*

so how do you like being a mother, then? :-)

Easier to reply here as my answer was getting longer and longer....

It's life defining..., It's like the biggest project I've ever started, and every second is thrilling.
It's challenging, in many ways. Giving people space to take a part in her life for instance isn't easy at first. You have an opinion about, well... everything that happens around her.
The first few days I had to stay in the hospital, and was surrounded by nurses and other moms, and I had little privacy to settle into my new family.
Ed was only aloud to be there at visiting hours (we broke that rule almost immediately) and even though there were lots of people there, checking if you ate well or changing your baby's diper, not much was really explained, the nurses were always busy, so I felt very lost.
They did have time however to open my curtains ever so often, so I could 'mingle', and comment on how chubby & big our little girl was....
With all the eating disorder in our world, and the gazillion people with some form of a physical complex, the last thing I want is for people to go on about the chubbiness of our new born.
However, as it happened regularly, I had to get over it, so I did.
As I had to get over a nurse arguing with a mother in our room while holding my daughter.
As I had to get over the ever famous comment: "Let her cry a little, it's good for her".
People will always have advise, and I will always listen & even give things a try, cause I don't know everything, & people mean well, but it's not always easy.
Now that she spends lots of time with family and at the creche, you have to let go, and be less of a control freak. Trust that people know what they are doing, and that if something is done different to your own ideas, that it won't cause everlasting scars, and if it does, then that's ok.
As much as I want to protect our daughter from any form of unnesseccery discomfort, she's gonna experience a few, some by my own doing, even if unintentional... and that thougth (stupid as it may sound) is tough.
Thank goodness I seldom dwell on these thoughts, most of the time I am enjoying her smile (she smiles a lot) or her new sounds (she was hocked on "huuuuuurrrrrrrrrr" for a while, but now everything starts with a 'bff' or 'pff' accompanied by lots of drooling), or the changes in her face.
The hide and seek she likes to play with one parent, while in the arms of the other, her long conversations with 'whom ever will listen' in the dark while the rest of SweetLake is sleeping.
Or the warmth I feel when I simple hold her close...
She's beautiful....

I'm Back!!!!!!!!

I'm afraid I'll never be frequent, but....

It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new year.....

So I'll try.

I HAVE THE COOLEST DAUGHTER ON EARTH....

Yes, I'm the typical mom, my daughter is the cutest, sweetest most adorable little angel ever...
Chances are, all I'll write about is her LOL.

But yes... I'm back at work, so in my break I have time to blog....
And so far I love being back... however, leaving the house for the first time after D was born was the weirdest. I truely felt like the world had changed. Everyone was odd. And manouvering among 'the living' with a buggy in front of me was scary! Certainly if she'd start to whine.

I'm over that now. I'd love to say that everything is back in balance, but it isn't.
Nothing is more comfronting to your character and life style than having a kid.
It starts when you're pregnant... you change!
I look back at my last blog & think... Who Was That???
The crunchy sound of sand makes you want to eat it????.............. Right......
So most of that is back to normal. I'm back to my old size (with a slightly bigger belly). I have no longings for sand, salt or Rennie for that matter, but one thing stuck....
I still speak my mind.... Frequently.... That little bit of subtleness I was hoping to get back after pregnance has evaporated. I'm not rude, in fact I'm still very polite, but, its more like 'when something buggs me, someone's going to hear about it'...
Life is too short to keep it all in, and some people just take too many liberties.
(b.t.w. this computer has no spelling check on it, so forgive me if you find a gazillion mistakes)

Funnily enough while I was being blunt and quarrelsome during my 9 months, lots of friends and family pointed out that they actually liked this version more.... It was more, well ballanced.
However, I still feel far from ballanced.
It's like you are forced to be 'more real' and closer to your feelings when you have a kid.
I had forgotten how riggid I could be, or how emotional ... I'd tucked al that away, but I'm so passionate about my kid that I've become more passionate about my life, myself & everybody else. You become very protective of your 'happy home', your kid, your man, & yourself.
I don't know to what degree that effects my surroundings, but another thing I've got is: It's ok.
No need to stress or worry about those things....
I guess some of my hubby's 'Leo'-ness is rubbing off... He worries very little about the thoughts of people around him, and yet he's the sweetest guy I know. So not worrying about those things doesn't nesseccerily make you 'less of a beautiful person' it just makes you more human & more real.

Oeh... breaks over, gotta go...