My pregnancy weirdness

I thought I was doing really well,
No desire for sour food, or chicken & chips everyday (like my sister)
Nope, I was really normal....
Till about 3 weeks ago...
I tried to deny it. Ignore it... but it keeps getting stronger...
I love.... sand...
Yes... I said sand....
The grainy stony stuff, that sound Delicious under your feet,
and makes me desire something, though I'm not sure what...

It started with heartburn... I have a tablet for that called 'Rennie'... you can have about 16 of those per 24 hours, and although I keep it at a minimum, it's a delight everytime I taste it. Cause it's crunchy, and grainy and stony like sand. It has a mint flavour that's good too, but it's not the mint, cause peppermints do me nothing...
So then i figured it was a lack of calcuim, my mom had a fettish for calcium when she was pregnant.... so she got me some chewy calcium tablets, but they didn't do the trick either...
Then one day, after work I was standing outside the backdoor, and I saw a pile of sand on the floor. So I impulsively stood on it... then I started doing the twist, almost unconciously, and I felt delighted! It felt so good!... Since that moment I've been dancing on sand when I see a tempting anount on the street, or I stamp in the sand in our garden barefoot (before my hubby puts tiles over it... he's rebuilding the garden). I love it dry or wet... both versions have their own sensation... and whenever I am crushing sand under my feet I feel like I wanna taste something, but I don't know what. Whatever it is.. it's in Rennie.
Besides the sand thing, I've also fallen in love with nature... I LOVE this summer, due to the amount of rain that falls, the way the garden smells, the smell of the ocean when it rains at work... It makes me want to go outside and dance around... Then there's the wind... It feels so good! It always did to me, but it's stronger now.
I still don't like insects though, but they don't bother me (besides the spider, naturally, and even those I can catch and set free in my garden, as long as they aren't too big).
I seem to be in love with life more... Somehow it feels special in a mysterious way...
And due to a challenge I've set for my self, I'm more within my own life, so to speak.

See, I had this talk with my soulsister Vera, and she has (practically) mastered the art of letting go. While we were talking I was inspired to reach the same goal, as so many things bug me lately.
As she puts it, the moment you get that frustrated feeling, you're simply holding on to something... find what it is, and let it go...
Well, in trying to put that into practise, I'm letting go of words I usually hold back. So now if something bugs me, someone, somewhere is gonna hear it... I try hard to let it be the person that's bugging me, and otherwise it's my mom or my hubby.
I figure that in explaining my frustration to the inflicting person, I give them the value they deserve. It's a form of respect for me. Usually I don't 'waste my energy' on making my frustration clear, I just mentally dismiss you, but not before I fire up inside.
Not very nice... but it works for me... worked...
I expect that after I learn to voice what I dislike, the next step is to not even let it bug me... but I'm not there yet...
Naturally I also say all the nice things that I hold in, even though that can be as scary.
On the whole, I'm showing more of myself to the people around me...
Challenging... Sacry, but in my opinion a step in the right direction...

Officially Engaged!

My delicious hubby (to be) asked me to marry him while we were on vacation.
It's a whole story, that I don't have time to share... (break's over)
But I'll tell you some time when I see you. (then I can also show my beautiful ring that goes with it).

As for when the big day is.... not any time soon.
We're talking years from now.
We both desire our little one to be aware of what's going on, be able to show of her cute little dress, and verbally share her opinions of the day.

So no hurries...

Oeh... I'm late... gotta go..

Thoughts on life....

Oeh,
Just got back from Greece (Kos), and read a lot of good books there.
One of them was 'The Witch of Portobello' and Paulo once again had me hooked.
But the one that left a bigger impression was 'One' from Richard Bach.
My Saggi/Horse collegue once advised me to read it, and so I bought it a while a go.
It's great. It's not so much the contence as it is the concept.
It discribes the matrix of different worlds all co-exsiting 'now'. It's done in a novel type way and it got me thinking about the world we live in at the moment.
A lot of people say that things in general are getting worse. And 'terror' is being spread all around to imply that these people are right. But some how I don't believe it anymore. I think we are doing a lot better. It seems like Humanity is rediscovering it's mind. In the past there have been 'genious' ' that influenced our thinking, but now it seems the doors are opening to all of us.
There's a lot of distrust towards different cultures and different parts of the world. But if you think about it, how long have we known these other cultures? In the past there was a lot of civil war in the now so called developed countries, but now we're learning to understand each other.
Wars within the West has now shifted to West vs. East wars. The west among each other are getting along a lot better now... 'we know what we can expect from our neighbour'...
Somehow I think we'll one day 'know what to expect from the East' and the whole 'terror-campaign' will fail to work.
I saw a film last night 'Mighty Heart'. Great film. It taught me a very valuable thing.
Where ever there is conflict, there will be 'terrorists', people that feed on the conflict and exploit it in various ways. I've never heard a better definition of the word. It's become clear to me who I consider a terrorist, and what the word means.
It also combined with this new look I have on wars, has given me the reasurence that it can't go on forever. At some point I expect a solution, new understanding, harmony, peace....
Nice thought.
I'd love to say more about the book One, cause I didn't really go in to it (kinda side tracked) but that will have to wait till some other time.
My break's over :(

www.ratje.kindjeopkomst.nl

Oh Yeah,

Coming tuesday I'm six months pregnant! And DeeDee won't stop moving!
It's a crazy (new) feeling that there is constant movement inside you.
My Cancer-Ox collegue can't get over the 'alien' idea of having something grow within you.
It never bothered me before, but I'm starting to feel the weirdness of it now.

I've started a website for her (it's in Dutch):
www.ratje.kindjeopkomst.nl
I tried DeeDee in the name, but that was already taken. Funnily enough ratje was stil available. Guess no-one wants to cal their baby-site 'little rat'... understandable.
It's only cause D will be born in the rat year, and I love the characteristics of 'the chinese rat' that I decided to make it her site name.
I could have done her 'official' name, but it seemed so boring.

I've also started her very first baby book.
I've decorated quite a few pages with pictures and stickers and a little story around it all...
If she turns out to be a boy after all, I'll just have to write a big OEPS on the next blank page and continue the book for a boy. Kinda funny if your baby book so obviously reveals that your parents had your sex wrong.

Oeh, gotta get back to work...
X
Nyj.....

I'm terrible

That's 4 months ago...

Today I decided to check out blogs of friends, and ended up checking my own....
I'm terrible...
So now, even though I don't have a real subject, I just decided to jot down whats on my mind these days.... anything.... 4 months... that's really bad...

Ok, nr. 1 I'm pregnant!!! Yes, this is a really good thing. What is even better is that I haven't had any scary cramps or other unpleasant feelings in my basketball, apart from nausia... for some reason that won't stop. But as that's not a bad thing, I'm happily keeping my fingers crossed and enjoying every odd little movement or thump that I feel.

I've been preforming a lot this last month, unfortunately that also meant many late nights, and midnight drophomes by either my hubby, my agent or the Sweet Lake City Taxi Cab.
I was so busy that I missed all the Aries birthdays... (Sister S, Sister Z, Big Bro D, Little friend N, Big friend R) Sorry!!!
Last night was one of the last late escapades, it didn't need to be, but when traveling back from a gig in Nijmegen, there was a hold up in Utrecht. The train was on time and could have left, but NS decided to wait for some passengers that came from Brussels and 'needed' to catch this train to get to The Hague. This meant a 10 minute delay, causing me to miss the last train in Gouda to take me to Sweet Lake City.... When I found out that I'd missed the train I burst into tears. I was soooooo angry!
So the conducter tried to calm me. He told me to take the train to the Hague and on the way he'd arrange for the train to stop in Sweet Lake (there were more people that were stuck due to the 10 minute delay). In the end he was unable to stop the train, so he arranged a cab to pick us up at The Hague and drive us back to Sweet Lake. By the time I got home it was 2 AM, but the cabby brought me to my door, which was sweet.

I'd continue sharing, but my breaks over....
Time to get back to my bookies...
I love my job...

Happy New Year!

(I'me sure ninty percent of the first blogs in 2008 have a similar title, but never the less I sinscerely wish to everyone)

Soooooooo,
I've seen about 3 music dvd's since the year began. (U2, Christina Aguilera and Destiny's Child). I think someone's sending me a message :D
I do have some big themes for 2008 and music is one of them. I don't like the words 'new year's resolutions' cause they are somehow linked in my head to 'only lasted a week or so'.
But I do have a process I go through every year.
Somewhere around November I become very critical of my life and spend the whole month thinking how I want to fashion my future. In December I have a few similar moments but usually I'm too busy with Christmas and all that goes with it. Yet after Christmas I start to make concrete plans for the new year and on the last day I write them down.
So today (on my birthday) I have many plans for this year.
One is to dress a little more feminine. It's not that I dislike feminine clothes, but I like to 'hide' in wide jumpers and messy jeans with Crocs on. Not only that but I've buit up a fobia for the summer due to all the unflattering and styleless comments one gets the moment you don't 'hide in wide clothing'.
Well, this year I have decided to 'get over it'. I love looking good too much to not do it for a life time for fear hoochie-cootchie remarks that foolish and often distastefull men can not seem to keep to themselves.

It's a new dawn... it's a new day... it's a new year.... for me, and I'm feeling GOOD.

PS: this is only one of my plans, I'd love to share more, but I need to do a little shopping for my hubby before my break is over.... so I guess more will folow next time.