I thought I was doing really well,
No desire for sour food, or chicken & chips everyday (like my sister)
Nope, I was really normal....
Till about 3 weeks ago...
I tried to deny it. Ignore it... but it keeps getting stronger...
I love.... sand...
Yes... I said sand....
The grainy stony stuff, that sound Delicious under your feet,
and makes me desire something, though I'm not sure what...
It started with heartburn... I have a tablet for that called 'Rennie'... you can have about 16 of those per 24 hours, and although I keep it at a minimum, it's a delight everytime I taste it. Cause it's crunchy, and grainy and stony like sand. It has a mint flavour that's good too, but it's not the mint, cause peppermints do me nothing...
So then i figured it was a lack of calcuim, my mom had a fettish for calcium when she was pregnant.... so she got me some chewy calcium tablets, but they didn't do the trick either...
Then one day, after work I was standing outside the backdoor, and I saw a pile of sand on the floor. So I impulsively stood on it... then I started doing the twist, almost unconciously, and I felt delighted! It felt so good!... Since that moment I've been dancing on sand when I see a tempting anount on the street, or I stamp in the sand in our garden barefoot (before my hubby puts tiles over it... he's rebuilding the garden). I love it dry or wet... both versions have their own sensation... and whenever I am crushing sand under my feet I feel like I wanna taste something, but I don't know what. Whatever it is.. it's in Rennie.
Besides the sand thing, I've also fallen in love with nature... I LOVE this summer, due to the amount of rain that falls, the way the garden smells, the smell of the ocean when it rains at work... It makes me want to go outside and dance around... Then there's the wind... It feels so good! It always did to me, but it's stronger now.
I still don't like insects though, but they don't bother me (besides the spider, naturally, and even those I can catch and set free in my garden, as long as they aren't too big).
I seem to be in love with life more... Somehow it feels special in a mysterious way...
And due to a challenge I've set for my self, I'm more within my own life, so to speak.
See, I had this talk with my soulsister Vera, and she has (practically) mastered the art of letting go. While we were talking I was inspired to reach the same goal, as so many things bug me lately.
As she puts it, the moment you get that frustrated feeling, you're simply holding on to something... find what it is, and let it go...
Well, in trying to put that into practise, I'm letting go of words I usually hold back. So now if something bugs me, someone, somewhere is gonna hear it... I try hard to let it be the person that's bugging me, and otherwise it's my mom or my hubby.
I figure that in explaining my frustration to the inflicting person, I give them the value they deserve. It's a form of respect for me. Usually I don't 'waste my energy' on making my frustration clear, I just mentally dismiss you, but not before I fire up inside.
Not very nice... but it works for me... worked...
I expect that after I learn to voice what I dislike, the next step is to not even let it bug me... but I'm not there yet...
Naturally I also say all the nice things that I hold in, even though that can be as scary.
On the whole, I'm showing more of myself to the people around me...
Challenging... Sacry, but in my opinion a step in the right direction...
white comforter set queen
1 year ago
3 comments:
So, that means there will be more of you to enjoy :-) I like the way you describe the urge you feel about sand. It doesnt do anything for me, but reading your post I kinda feel it too. Made me smile.
Also great to read the [BIG] difference between letting go and dismissing some thing/-one/-person/-feeling.
I heard a story once about a group of celibate travelling monks. Their order did not allow for touching women.
One day a group of monks were walking along a small lake with an island in it. On the shore a beautiful woman with practically nothing on was crying. Almost all monks quickly looked away. Argh, woman, gorgeous, be gone, temptation! One monk asked here what made her cry. She told him her baby was on the island and she could not swim and there was no other way to reach the island.
So the monk took her in his arms, walked over the water and put her down on the island.
Upon returning a storm of protests from the other monks broke loose.
After walking for about an hour, listening to all the protestations, he said: I left the woman on the island and let her go, did you?
Oeh, I like the story.
Funny about the whole letting go thing is that now i speak my mind, many people appreciate this version better...
Still it's scary.
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