The Year Zero

I'm reading this dutch book called 'De Maya-profetieen' by Wiek Lenssen.
He made a 'film' called 'The Year Zero' and this book explains all that happened before, during and after.

I borrowed this book from a friend of mine (Mark) and wanted a copy for myself, and one for a friend (Bart). But while reading it I started to doubt if i wanted to pass this on to anyone.
So much seemed like such hogwash... Now I must say that all the hogwash was in relation to one character in the book. But as he dominates a great part of the book, it's hard to read past it. The writer however sounds a lot more sincere, and when he reflects on his own thoughts and not on the 'teachings' of his 'friend' he feels right. If this was a fiction book, I'd think from moment one that this 'friend' is 'the wolf in sheeps clothing' and not to be trusted... but it's not fiction... so I'm not sure how everything will unfold.
Now that I've read about 2/5 of the book I think it might be a keeper. The writer is reflecting on truth. He shares his thoughts about reality and how we see reality through our own eyes, making it our reality. He even broke it down to quantumphysics, (that's when I decided it was a keeper).
If you break down atoms to the smallest visible elements: the quarks, then you find that the way they act is totally dependent on the observer.
So each person creates what they see. This explains how I can see A, and proof of A in the world, while you clearly see B and proof of B in the world....
I've been playing with that thought for a while now, so finding it in this book, is a sign for me to keep on reading....
I'll let you know when I've finished it.

Something in the air...

Someone once told me that there are organizations that deliberately pollute our air...
I didn't know what to think of that statement at the time, and now still don't know.
It wouldn't surprise me, but it's the kind of thing you don't really what to think about.

It would make sense, a lot of money must be earned of people that are ill. All the medicines going around are making some people lots of money. I'm sure a very big part of the economy if not the complete economy as we know it now would crumble if we were all healthy people (both physically and mentally). So it's not in the best interest of 'those who govern' (infront of or behind the scenes) that we are healthy. I'm just speculating here. Why else are all 'healthy' products so much more expensive than fast food, or the regular quality-less food you find in your average supermarket.

I think that most of the time when the choice should be made between healthy vs. easy, easy is chosen. I just wonder how much (moral) we've lost in this ongoing process.
Now that more and more people want to go back to the healthy option, THAT is making lots of money, cause health is expensive, but those who want to be healthy again are willing to pay.

There's so much on the matter I haven't touched yet.
I always feel that way once I start thinking about our society...
It's a never ending thriller story, with sooo many secrets and scandals it would make crappy soaps look good.
There's no way I can find out everything, or even scratch the surface in a lifetime.
But now and then, when I feel a little uneasy in my skin, and people around me say the same thing, and my head feels a little heavy...
I wonder...

Remember me?

(After writing the title, I had to think of this song.... The chorus starts with 'Remember me' but it's impossible to understand the words that follow. I think it's a trance-ie song, where the words don't matter as much as the 'vibe')

Thursday I cousin calls me out of the blue, to see how I'm doing. (Last time I saw her was May 2006)
Friday, a mate of mine stayed over, that I hadn't seen in ages.
Saterday I saw old childhood friends I haven't seen in years.
Sunday I bump into one of the first guys I used to work for when I was sixteen, who turns out to play the trumpet and who I had a great chat with.
And today I bump into a 'lower-school' girlfriend in the supermarket, (Parveen!) who I haven't seen in the longest...
That's a lot of 'past related contacts' in one week!


PS: Ed's eye has gone from blue to purple... close to black...

The Short Version

Yesterday,

My Hubby was in a fight and now has a blue eye.

I visited the church of my youth for the last time, as it will be broken down one of these days.
I went back in time, cried my eyes out, re-connected so closely with the people that have know me all my younger years, that it became clear to me, that those people are my family.

Re-embraced my oldest friendship (with Jessie). Cried and talked about the loss of Joyce
(her twin sister; a girl that could imitate any riff Mariah Carey sang and on the same key; The first person I ever sang my own songs with; With whom I never really past the 'barbie-faze' even when we were older....; With whom I always sang 'One Sweet Day' everytime we were in a 'singing mood' (always)....; ironic, if you consider the lyrics...)
In fact, thinking about Joyce & Jessie took up the rest of my evening till I went to bed...

It really is a strange feeling to lose someone that you would still want to have so many talks with. To not know for sure if she was happy, living the life she did...
The should have-could have-would have's play in my mind everytime I think of her.
I'm not gonna let my friendship with Jessie slip away too... Life really is to short.
And beautiful people are too precious...

Chocolate heaven.....

I just made the BEST EVER chocolate cookies....
Yes seriously.... the best....

I also made roasted broccoli with rice....
Broccoli, tossed in cumin, coriander, 5 garlic cloves (crushed) and chili powder....
(no salt....)
In the oven... 22 minutes.
Then rice, made with a lot of olive oil, some salt and seasoning from Greece (hahahaha, ok or any other seasoning you use when making rice)

You're in heaven... I guarantee.
If it fails, come over and I'll make it for you....

(the recipe for the cookies I ain't givin' :D, but I'll make them for you on request...)

I hope he doesn't get kicked out of the band again...

We painted the new house today!

Should have made pictures but I didn't.

No worries, tomorrow I will.

We didn't plan it this way, but it turns out that the living room is going to be a somewhat 'Rastafarian room'. (Yes, red, yellow, and green) It's not the bright versions of these colours though.

The red's rather terra, the green is very green though, but the yellow is more of an 'old' yellow.

It's nice. The living room has a warm feel to it. It's not done yet, but we're ahead of schedule, so that's good.

After the painting I had a reunion rehearsal with the very first choir I ever sang in. The choir my dad sang in, my mom sang in, and all my sisters sang in. It was a really good reunion. Everything came back so easily; the songs, the feeling, the pleasure... like nothing or no-one had changed.

The reason for this reunion is, that the church that I was brought up in, where I spent a great deal of my childhood and holds a lot of memories, is going to be broken down. A good reason to get back together one more time. It was special.

After the rehearsal, my mom took me to see a show in 'The Anton Philip Zaal'. I'd never gone to see a show there, and didn't know which show I was going to see, but mom asked me to join her and I hadn't had a night out with mom in ages, in fact, just her and me, I think this was the first time.

When we got there the music sounded rather 'fusion-ie'. To be honest I wasn't sure if this was going to be my kind of music, but we went in as open minded as possible, and decided we could always leave early if we wanted to.

We stayed till the end. Well, until DJ Maestro started playing, we didn't stay for that, cause by then it was rather late. It was terrific. Not only was it terrific, but I recognized the guy on Trombone (Patrick).

Patrick used to be in a band called 'Olabola'. He played trombone in that band and it was clear he loved the music. His eyes would close and he'd just literally dive into the sound, loose himself in the groove, and do it in a such a way that you felt where he was.

He grabbed your attention. And the beautiful thing was the he wasn't trying, he was just enjoying the vibe.

At some point he was 'kicked out of that band'. The attention he got, caused friction, and that was the result.

After this happened, I was fortunate to see him at another show and we got the chance to talk. I'd worked with some of the people of this show, as I had done with some of the people in 'Olabola'. I knew I'd still see them, but after this show (which was kind of a one off) the chances of me seeing him were slim to none. So we exchanged numbers. I told him I was working on some stuff and if ever I needed a trombone player I'd be sure to call him.

5 years pass, and I find myself in 'The Anton Philip Zaal' looking at a band with Patrick in it!

As I said, the show was terrific. They had 5 horns, 3 on percussion and one on guitar. It was wicked.

Beats were changing rhythms were impossible to follow and the vibe was good.

The show was about James Carter, JC meets Suriname.

And James Carter was interesting, did some very creative things, but my attention was more on Patrick. I was feeling everyone and everyone was good, but Patrick was Patrick.

I saw him disappear in the music again, and just PLAY. He was making music; harmonizing; adding little riffs and notes.... but inside the music, not onto the song, if you know what I mean...

He kept it relatively humble, till he played his own solo.... LOVEly. Simple, but special, you just FELT him. Superb.

Now, what put me off James Carter was his ego. I can put it another way, but that's the truth.

I know musicians 'battle' in music, but this wasn't a 'battle' kind of show. Yet the next solo was for James, and you heard, felt and saw him prove a point. As much respect as all the other horn's gave him, he did not give any back. The feeling of 'making wonderful music together' was not there.

After the show Patrick walked up to us to thank us for the 'giving back' and enjoying the show so much. He hadn't recognized me yet, so I referred to Olabola. He looked, smiled, and said.

"I still have your number in my phone. You said you'd call whenever you'd do something, and you never did!"

I was dumbstruck. We'd only had 1 talk, 5 years ago, and here he was, showing me my name in his phone (yes: Grey, Nyjolene that was me... and I hadn't said my name) with my old phone number.

We didn't talk long, but I gave him my new number, took his, and promised that I really would call when I'd put up something jazzy.

It's a small world, but it's really cool if within that small world, even the people that hardly talked, still stay connected. Now I've got to keep my promise...

I feel another project in the air..... hahahah

Tooooo long ago!

Oh my!

I was listening to my songs on the net. I hadn't done that in a year or more.
Listening brings up so many memories and emotions.... fantastic!
In case you don't know where to find this link, I've pasted the link.
Hearing them, I know it's time to make some new suff to share.

http://missn.hyves.nl/

19 Years of Friendship!

words can't express how that feels....
but yesterday we tried.

LOVE YOU MAR!!!

hahahaha

I FEEL GOOD!!!!!

Hahahahahhaa

You know those days when you hug your colleagues cause you feel like it and all of a sudden know they really don't mind...
You see 2 kids that you've know all their life and reminisce on 'the good old days' telling them you love them every 10 minutes or so, but they know you so it's ok...
You have lots and lots of energy, and feel like singing: It's A New Dawn, It's A New Day, It's A New Life, for me. And I'm Feeling Goooooooood.....
You do just that...
You bump into your little brother at the station and share a a ride of one stop with him, before he jumps out and goes back to the station cause he actually was on his way to school...
You realise that the two kids you saw that day, are both his (female) baby mate, and his best mate.
You call your other siblings and say you love m. (and don't mind if they ask you what brought this on)...
You think about your parents and are soooooo grateful for all they gave you... (and still do)
You look at the world and think... I'll give you my best, who knows what I can bring to the table.
You debate and negotiate about free days with your boss in the most hectic months and realise how much she's thinking with you to make it work...
You realise that you've got such a terrific job, with such special people and such an enormous supply of knowledge, that you feel like one of the most blessed people in the world.
You receive an email from your old boss asking how you are doing, and can't stop smiling.
You have a sense of peace, safety, tranquility and serenity within your home that you thought never was possible, and thank God for the gift of your husband's love.
You love everyone and everything (glimpsing the world through God's eyes?)
You are SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR LIFE.
You sigh....

Yes, I feel Good...

Can't Wait!

December the 6th we're moving to Zoetermeer.
We'll have our own home with a garden, an attic & lots & lots of space!
You've get the ground floor, with an open kitchen and a cozy little corner where you can put your dining table. Then you have the living room and behind that the garden. Just behind our garden is a park, so when you sit outside, all you see is GREEN....
Then on the 1st floor you have the bathroom, the bedroom, the (wait for it...) walk-in-closet AND (I'm terrible) The Library, hahahahahaha. I can not wait to design that room! Naturally when the time is right (by God's grace) these rooms will at some point be clamed by little demanding raskals, but till then.....
But wait, we have one more floor to go.... the attic. Seperated into 2 rooms. One will be the computer room and one the 'storage' room.

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

I'll be painting and decorating and unpacking and sorting out stuff to my heart's delight....
Life is beautiful...

Never Again

This gig was shaky on so many sides it was bound to fall apart. It did just that.
I could go into depths explaining what went wrong, but there's no need.
It wasn't right, sounded wrong, felt negative and needs no repeating.
Me and Frankie are good though, but this formation was not good.
C'est la vie. I'm gonna chill now. Most likely turn of my brain & download cool pictures of the net. (Like how some people sit down on the couch and watch something silly on TV to relax... I download fashion pictures and stick m in picture books....)
With a cup a tea and a piece a chocolate to dip in it... Heaven...

Running & Running & Running....

Oh my oh my...
Wednesday I had a rehearsal with a girlfriend of mine called Frankie.
I met Frankie years ago in the American Book Center.
I was at the cash register playing Jill Scott's first album & singin' along while doing my work. All of a sudden I hear this 'sista' singing along too. That's Jill Scott playing. So I looked up, saw who it was. She didn't look up or anything, just casually checking the magazines while she sang. So I went up a note and harmonized to what she was doing. That's when she looked up :D.
We had to laugh cause something like that doesn't happen often.
She asked me what I did musically, and told me a little about herself. We decided to hook up one day. So shortly after I visited her at her home. She let me hear her music and I sang a few lines of 'I'm going down' (Mary J... killer song). So she told me, she recognized my voice but didn't know from where. After guessing for a few minutes on where she could have met me, she found out I sang in the band 'Rose'. She had seen me do a gig in 'Greve' (One of my sweetest memories... I sang the Longest, most soulful version of 'Brown Skin' and made my best friend Marlies cry who was there to support me). Apparently Frankie had been there too.
Ever since she had been trying to find out who I was, and how she could get a hold of me, but she didn't get far, cause she didn't remember my name (She thought it was Desree).
And now here I was on her couch singing and chatting link we'd known each other for years. It was great.
Anyway, tomorrow afternoon we have a gig in Utrecht to sing a few gospel songs, and we rehearsed for it Wednesday. But Thursday I also had to sing in Utrecht as 'Lady Grey'. Then today, I didn't have to work (good thing) but I had to prepare for this gig in Zaandam with 'Wicked Lite' and the girls would have a rehearsal at my place before we went there.
(So I spent the whole morning sorting out CD's and tidying up the place.)
We went with public transport and while rehearsing difficult songs in the train we gained an audience that asked us to sing all kind of songs accapella till we reached our destined station.
From the train we switched to a bus, and traveled to our final destination. It really did feel like our Final Destination. It was dark all over, and we got of at this deserted stop, trying to find our way. We started out in the wrong direction, where the road just stopped at some point and we actually walked through wet grass and mud for a while. (It was very cold and raining, and I actually slipped and fell the moment I said: "Wouldn't it be terrible if I were now to slip and--- AAhhh!)
We turned back, realizing this could NEVER be the right road, and finally called Carola (from our booking agency) to come save us. It turned out we were very close.

The gig itself went fab. The set list is beyond challenging, but somehow I was able to hit (almost) every note that was needed and although I lost my voice straight after singing 'Think' (the 4th song) I still was able to put up a good show with the girls (Lots of dancing on stage and laughing).
Now I'm of to bed, cause tomorrow is the gospel act in Utrecht with Frankie.
Sunday: Back to work....

I love my life....

I've started!

Ha!
583 words last night.
Feels very much like NaNoWriMo. (But it's not Sophie! :-)
I started within 'the Dragon Kingdom'.
It was lovely. This morning I was stalking my Hubby with 'all the things that are still going to happen' while he was getting ready. He's really into it. The story is really strong, but it's a challenge to be able to write it.
I know I was gonna research a little more first, but the links are smaller than I thought.
I'm still reading on the subject though.
Just writing at the same time.

Funny, today our Penguin Representative came by to discuss new titles. He asked me how I was doing and my GREAT! was so enthusiastic that he wanted to know more. So I told him, I'm writing a book. Usually he checks how the singing is going, so to here that this was book related was a suprise, but he liked it.
Who knows when it's done he might want to read it, he might have some tips on getting it 'published' who knows?
But I'm way ahead of myself. I only have 5oo+ words and a head full of ideas.
Still, it never hurts to dream...

2012

I've started reading on the subject.
I want to implement some factors of the Mayan Prophesies, into my story, or better said. I have an idea of how the story should go, and I believe some aspects are the same as the Mayan beliefs. But I'm not sure so I needed to do some extra research.
Having started solely to gather information for my book, I hit me yesterday, that this is AN ACTUAL DATE IN TIME (December 21 2012), 5 years from now. Regardless of whether I believe the prophesies or not, it's not a bad idea for me to find out what they are saying. So now before writing my book, I'm first going to delve into the mayan history and philosophy. If there is a train to catch, I want to know, and then find out if it matches the ticket I hold in my hand.

'The Secret of Life' & 'The Secret Life of David Mandell'

A few days ago I had a dream. What I remember of it is very short, but when I woke I decided to put the dream to use by building a story around it. I started writing in my breaks at work, but I couldn't grasp the essence of the story. Not only that, but in the back of my head I kept thinking of all the stories I'd started and never finished. I had about 6 synopsis' on my computer and so I tried linking this story to an older one. That didn't go smoothly either and I was still only writing about 5 lines an hour, trying to 'feel' where it needed to go.
Then due to a conversation I had with two friends of mine (Bart and Sophie) last night, another old story came to mind. I hadn't thought of it before, cause I didn't think my dream would make a very deep or heavy story, and the story that came back to me last night I consider my masterpiece in the making. Beliefs, reality and fiction are so interlinked in it, that I never dared write it for fear of misinterpretation. Now I feel I can handle that possibility. Also, I'd thought & spoken about it for years with a few friends, but it never had enough substance to really begin. Now it does. I was up all night thinking up the clue, the beginning, what beliefs to consider and which to discard, becoming reacquainted with the characters, and thinking up new ones... It was great. I'm tired now, but it was worth it.
It's not for nothing the work title of both books are so similar. They needed to be combined.
So I guess it's time to write my masterpiece... :D
I'll speak to you in about 4 years when it's done :D

A lesson I'm still learning

The last few days or possibly weeks, my character has changed a little. I won't call it growth. It's not a step further into adulthood, but more like a step back to learn the lessons I tried to skip in the past. In the past, I was very passionate about things. as a result, when things didn't happen the way I anticipated them, my world would crumble and I would be terribly hurt. As this characteristic wasn't serving me, but hard to shed. I worked around it, by only becoming passionate about things I could control. All other engagements were met with a distance that only left when I fully trusted all people involved and (almost) all actions could be anticipated. I am realizing now that I am missing out on a lot of special experiences by having such an approach. I'm also slowly starting to believe that when things that I am passionate about don't go as I would want them to, that this will not kill me (As a child I guarded my enthusiasm as if disappointment really could kill).
So slowly I'm finding more joy in things that are not solely under my control, instead of seeing them as things that just need to be done, and I can at all times do without if needs be.
Beautiful things have come of this.
One is, I've decided to stay in the band called Rose, instead of running away when the smallest of problems arise. Opening up to the band and not just the music has shown me how much they value my presence. I've 'let them in' and there not taring up the place so to speak.
But it also means that disappointment has returned again. I am more involved in the things I do, and so the Capricorn in me needs to find a balance when things don't happen as I feel they should. I'm still learning, but I've found out aloofness is not the answer.

Can I use that title again?

Yeah, it was yet again a perfect night out.

Now it's not that I visit concerts every night, in fact, most of the time I'm at home busy with one of my million personal projects that define my life. But this month a lot of good artists that I'm into decided to perform. And I've learned something from all acts.
Marcus Miller loves to challenge his band. They get to improvise during songs, and he'll keep coming back to you if he knows there's more to be given. It's great to see. He'll just gesture to you and you start playing, or scatting. Then he'll come with a counter riff on his bass and it's your turn again, or that of someone else. It's not really a battle, but more the thrill of discovering what is in you, together.
Then there was Frank McComb, were the band rehearsal had been the night before and very short. He still got them to relax on stage and give it everything. The communication was fantastic. So was the vibe, the were laughing and making jokes as if they'd been playing together for a lot longer than one night.
And last night I invited my dad to see Maceo with Ed & me. That was great! The crowd was far from great, and mostly just loud for no positive reason, but Maceo made me smile, laugh even and groove like crazy. Generally when people say they love you on stage, I believe it (they love their fans) but it feels different with Maceo's band. They all smile, all have that 'lets share music together' energy. With Maceo ' We Love You ' is the theme of his show. (The groove is the core, love for music is the soul). He keeps on saying it, and I feel it everytime. He doesn't love 'his fans', he loves people. Loves sharing music. It's not about his story that he needs to tell, its not a 'Him to the Audience' thing. It's a 'Listen to this Groove, can you feel it?' vibe.
Or better said: 'Got Funk?'
Hahahaha, I love that shirt. I bought it in Tilburg at his show a year ago.
This year I bribed my way into getting a short sleeved one that simply says: Maceo.
To me that name say it all.
I took pictures like crazy. It was hard to get good ones, they might be a little dark, but they reflect the vibe, and hopefully one is good enough to blow up and hang on my wall at home.
It was good!
Anytime he comes to Holland, We'll be checking out the show.
(And I'll be going home with a new shirt :D )

PS: I chose the font: Georgia....
You should've seen him with his shades on, doin' a Ray. Shoulda heard him sing it (disregarding the noise around you). Respect.

A perfect night out.

I went to see Frank McComb in Amsterdam yesterday.
He gave a show in the werktheater.
I'd raced from work to the location, calling to let them know I was running late.
They asked me t call again when I was at the door, as the door bell was very loud and they didn't want to disturb the show. So when I arrived I called and they let me in, but the cash register had already been closed. So as a result, I got a free ticket!
Not only that, but he had just started, so I hadn't missed a thing.
That set the mood. I knew it was gonna be a good evening.

When I walked in it turned out to be more of a theatre room than a dance-club-kinda venue.
Thinking of that now, I should remember to check out that place if ever I do my own show.
They had rows of wooden chairs and everyone was sitting. Here and there a few people stood due to lack of space. I happily joined the people standing, choosing an angle that gave me a good view, but didn't disturb the show, and went straight for my camera.
I know the guy on bass, as he plays in the band 'Rose' with me. I was so proud seeing him on stage. He was really doing a good job. I'd never heard him play like that. The rest of that band was great too. And needless to say, so was Frank.
I made a few pictures, after checking with the same sweet lady if making pictures was OK, and then just danced the whole show threw.
Frank had planted a little break in the middle of the show, and in that break I walked over to Glen (the guy on bass) to tell him how great he was doing, when I feel someone tickle my neck.
I turn round and Joanne is grinning from ear to ear. I think I squealed, and then gave her a big hug.
Joanne and I did our first 2 Blues Brother tours together. Everyone that was a part of that tour is connected for life, no matter how rarely you see each other. I couldn't believe my luck. It had been years. So we chatted a little, and then I excused myself, cause I wanted to TCB as quickly as possible and get back to my comfortable spot before the show would start again.
While looking extremely lost, searching for the ladies room, I hear someone call out: " Oh no Nyjolene, you are not passing me by like that..." I turn round to see my Jamaican angel Leonna grinning (yes from ear to ear). I'm guessing my grin was as big. We hugged and chatted a little, but only after that show got the chance to really talk.
Leonna and I did the last Blues Brother tour together, where she sang the parts that Joanne had done in the previous tours.
It was this big get together how have you been night.
I saw a guy who used to play the keys in a gospel choir I was a part of a few years ago.
I saw my ex-singing teacher, who I'd been trying to contact for weeks.
Everything felt so good!
I bought the last 3 CD's of Franks collection that I didn't have yet. Had him sign them. Had the longest talk with Leonna, deepening the friendship we have. Then she dropped me of at Amsterdam Central on her bike. We made plans for a concert she wanted us to check out together. Beth Heart. I don't know her, but Leonna says she's really good.
My train was ready to go when I got in, the taxi in the Hague aloud me to pay a little less for the ride home as it was his last shift, and I was 2 euro's short of the normal fee, and when I came home I must have hugged Ed for hours telling him all about the evening, before letting him go back to bed. (2 am?)
In short, I had a perfect night out.