The last few days or possibly weeks, my character has changed a little. I won't call it growth. It's not a step further into adulthood, but more like a step back to learn the lessons I tried to skip in the past. In the past, I was very passionate about things. as a result, when things didn't happen the way I anticipated them, my world would crumble and I would be terribly hurt. As this characteristic wasn't serving me, but hard to shed. I worked around it, by only becoming passionate about things I could control. All other engagements were met with a distance that only left when I fully trusted all people involved and (almost) all actions could be anticipated. I am realizing now that I am missing out on a lot of special experiences by having such an approach. I'm also slowly starting to believe that when things that I am passionate about don't go as I would want them to, that this will not kill me (As a child I guarded my enthusiasm as if disappointment really could kill).
So slowly I'm finding more joy in things that are not solely under my control, instead of seeing them as things that just need to be done, and I can at all times do without if needs be.
Beautiful things have come of this.
One is, I've decided to stay in the band called Rose, instead of running away when the smallest of problems arise. Opening up to the band and not just the music has shown me how much they value my presence. I've 'let them in' and there not taring up the place so to speak.
But it also means that disappointment has returned again. I am more involved in the things I do, and so the Capricorn in me needs to find a balance when things don't happen as I feel they should. I'm still learning, but I've found out aloofness is not the answer.
white comforter set queen
1 year ago
2 comments:
A subject to my heart! And about a lesson i am too still learning. [Probably will for the rest of my life]
I'm wondering wherefrom this thwarting of your passion cometh :-)
Is it the events themselves, who don't go as planned that give you cause to block the passion? Or is it the fact that you have preconceived notions on how things should be? It never works out that way! In my opinion that is on of life's few guarantees, haha.
So where does it leave us then? Should we not care how things are? Should we not want for a better world? More joy, beauty, love?
I have the feeling that by shedding your conceptions of how things should be [and loose thoughts about how things supposedly are], you gain openness to what really is in front of you. It gives you the chance to really go into a 'relationship' with the occurring events and people around you. And sometimes i feel that love comes for whatever or whomever i encounter, not because they match up to a certain standard, but just because of who and what they are.
Well, those were my two cents.
Ha, you're good! It's the fact that I have preconceived notions on how things should be. I can't predict the future, so if I'd be hurt when things don't go as planned, I'd be in constant pain at all times :)
But I indeed have an idea of how it should be. I have lots of options, and understanding of people expands them, but if something happens that just 'shouldn't have happened' I flip & close up.
I think if we all would shed our conception of how things should be, we would be 'standing stil'.
What is now, would stay, and we wouldn't grow. I grow and learn by trying to grasp things I don't understand, by hearing points of view I'd never considered.
Your words are a reflection of how you think things should/could be.
I reflect on them and grow. My challenge is to indeed see what is, share how I think/feel things should/could be, but not pull away when I hear see of feel something that I don't agree with, I can not grasp or consider (will be) 'hurtfull'.
I will continue to pull away from situations/people I don't trust.
But I'm trying to minimalize the 'pulling away' to those situations only. And only after I have made clear what I don't trust. This gives people the chance to explain themselves. This opens me up to more understanding. That helps create a better world, with more joy, beauty & love.
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