A message from Canada

My grandma called!
Totally out of the blue.
Well, not totally.
She'd called my big sis, as she's just had a son, and then asked her for my number and called me too!
It was so cool to hear her ask: "How is Carmel doing?" As I'd named Deyora after my grandma (Carmel). It was really great speaking to her.

Almost 6 months...

Time really does fly.
Our little girl is nearly 6 months old! It's been an interesting 6 months.
I've grown & developed so much in these passing months, it's really insane.
It's been an ongoing challenge to find harmony in so many chaotic changes.
It's true that the moment you have a child to take care of, everything changes.
Your character, your relationship, your time and how you spend it...
How you look at 'problems', your morals... Pfff... Everything.
Not to mention the ongoing changes your child goes through.
Just today, we discovered that she can sit, without help (and then ungraciously fall over onto the bed). She's very into snuggling on the couch and she's only just started eating different fruits & veggies.
Every new stage is still 'scary', but we really are a team of 3. We all see things differently in the beginning, (trust me, 'Little Miss' has a very clear opinion on things), but then we work it out together, we find this 'new rhythm' to life that works, until the next fase pops up.
It's intense, but 'dealing with it' makes me feel very capable & somewhat in control of things.
It's like I know there is this note to every aspect of my life and it's an ongoing challenge to create a beautiful song with all those notes & the instruments at my disposal. So far I'm liking the sound of things (disregarding the few 'off' notes I've heard along the way).

Writing of music, that's really been my thing these last few weeks.
I'm sorting out all my CDs plus all the music I have on the computer. On my free evenings I copy all my CDs onto my computer, then listen to them, deleting songs I don't like anymore, and putting the rest on alphabetical order by song.... Very much a 'Nyjolene Neurotic Project' but it makes me happy.

A friend of mine once gave me all the CD's Stevie Wonder ever made in mps form. I never took the time to listen to everything, until now. That guy has a way of hitting some interesting notes when he sings! You can also 'feel' his journey through music. He has truly explored all kinds of creative worlds. Not everything is my thing, but it was great to hear.
There was this song: Come Back As A Flower (I think that's what it's called), he doesn't sing it, I think his daughter does... not sure, but it's soooooooo pure. I never knew I had that!
Then I'm also checking my hubbies music in the process, just so I don't miss any good stuff.
He has a lot of funky songs by musicians I've never heard of, that are great to listen to.....
But he also has music that is ... well... to put it mildly, not my style.
He has some heavy metal music in his collection that my brain can not handle for much longer than 2 seconds, tops. I'm sure there's some great artistic music somewhere in between all that noise, but I simply can't find it.
Anyway, some songs I've loved forever, all of a sudden don't do much for me, and I throw out, and things I haven't heard in ages, gives me pos. goose bumps when I hear it again.
Now listening to Bilal: All That I Am. Delicious groove, feel good vibe, mind blowing notes...
One of the few songs on his album that I actually kept...

A Blue Day

This is one of those days when so much has happened, that I’ve become a little numb to it all.You just want the day to pass as quick as possible, so you can forget it.
The fantastic thing was however that I was early for work. A great accomplishment.
Another good thing was that, due to the fact that I’m not often ‘out of it’, all my collegues were understanding and gave me space on my ‘Blue Day’.
My boss was kind enough to let me leave at 18:00 sharp, even though she’d scheduled me for a 18:15 shift.
I found out that my daughter picked up her soother and put it in her mouth by herself (first time!)
I tasted a wicked chicken and chutney sandwich.
Then tasted a really good nasi when I got home (like the one he cooked for me just before we got together ;-)
I felt my daughter cuddle up in my arms while I carried her to bed… that always feels special…She fell asleep without a fuss.
I had some great conversations with some beautiful people.
My mom told me she loves me…

Looking at it that way, it’s a pretty good Blue Day….

You Don't Know Nothin'...

I just spent a half an hour, listening over & over again to You Don't Know Nothin' from For Real...
That is one of the most delicious songs to listen to.
I remember when I'd seen it for the first time on Mtv, and almost died.... then waited day after day till it would come again so I could record it in my video tape.
The years later, I lost the tape & desparately tried to buy the CD somewhere. By that time it was hard to find, cause the didn't become very big.
At 18 I went to America to visit my Aunt & Uncle in Atlanta.... and in her CD collection I find..... For Real. Inspired by another song on that CD, I wrote a song: How, that was later used on the 1st album of the gospel choir Inside Out.
I tried to buy the CD in America, but couldn't find it.
When I returned, I tried in Holland, but it was only available on Amazon.... & I didn't have a creditcard, nor did anyone I know... so I gave up.
I don't remember how I finally did get the CD, but it was years later and I was thrilled.
It's not a very good album, in fact it's pretty boring, but it had that song!
Then in 2007 when we lived in the Hague... a box of CD's was stolen from our apartment... We'd just moved, and the house was filled with boxes. Our land lord had given copies of our key to so many different 'handymen' that came to fix stuff in our home, when we found out the box was missing, we changed the locks, but that didn't get me back my CD's.
Anyway,
Miss Ann (from Wicked) and I one day decided that we wanted to write songs together...
We were brainstorming on the songs that were special to us and she mentioned For Real.... I was esstatic (?) turns out she had the song, the breakdown of the different voices & all that....
She sent them to me somewhere last year...
Now, cleaning up my gmail... I found the song....
Nostalgia.....
Listened to it over, and over again....

Sense & Sensibility....

I know...
But I can explain.

We have a stack of old video's in our house, and yes, Sense & Sensibility is one of them. I once bought it for 5 euro's in a cheap store close to my work, but never watched it. It was more a nostalgia thing, I'd seen it once in the past on TV, knew it was a classic, liked the actors, so bought it. Many many many years later, we decided to ditch all our video's and buy back the good ones as DVD. To truely judge what is (still) good, we decided to watch them all.
Now I'm home, my little girl is in bed, I'm re-platting my hair and can only listen to music or.... continue with our video project.
I'd already been surprised by what was staying and what was going.
I parted with Bad Boys (till then in my top 5 films because of some really goodlooking scenes that unfortunately now adays doesn't so much as make my heart skip a beat) and found that The Rock truely is a classic and worth having on DVD.
The Golden Child was great to watch again but not nesseccerily to posses on DVD, and The Lion King has every right to join the DVD collection, but not for the price that you have to pay for it these days. (second hand about 60 euro's....)
So I truely didn't know what to expect. Well.... it's kind of a Golden Child story, in fact, Eddie and 'brother Numspa' are far more entertaining than Hugie in S&S. He's terrible! Unbearibly soft, and has none of the charm he has in Bridget Jones Diary, About a Boy or Music and Lyrics)Thank God for Alan Rickman, who I've been in love with ever since Robin Hood, right up to Harry Potter (including the video clip with the Texas-girl, not including him as Snape).

Anyway, I enjoyed it.... don't need to see it again.
I'm more of Clueless girl (that my sweet little-known-facts-expert girlfirend pointed out to me, is based on Emma).
That film has remained in my top 5 for about 13 years now. I've seen it a gazilion times, can almost quote every line and, it's linked to memories of hilarious sleepovers, and my vocabulary slash dresscode at 16. It even inspired me to put all my clothes in the computer and combine them to 'set outfits'.
I wish I could say I'm less neurottic these days...
At least my vocab improved...
Can't remember the last time I said 'whatever'...
Yet, everytime I use the word 'sporadically', I flash back to the movie...
Or everytime I hear 'All By Myself'
Or see Brittany Murphy in any film...
Or watch Legally Blond...
Or....
...

Dit moet eff in t nederlands

Ok,
Vandaag was een zware dag. D. had niet al te best geslapen, dus na t werk was ik kapot.
Toen moest ik m'n kleine nog bij oma halen, en t was voorbij d'r bed tijd, dus ze was erg overstuur toen ze m'n stem hoorde...
Was wel lief, zodra ze in d'r maxi zat (moest echt vechten om haar er in te krijgen) toen was ze ineens rustig... die wist meteen... ik ga naar huis!!
Thuis was ze dus ook weer relaxed. Ze is na haar ritueeltje rustig gaan slapen en heeft niet meer gejammert (de laatste tijd jammert ze nog even een poosje door voordat ze echt inslaap valt, en slaapt dan ook onrustig de rest van de nacht).
Toen ze in bed lag belde m'n mannetje even om te kijken hoe alles was gegaan, en lichte nog even uit dat America's Next Top Model op tv was.
Ik was net optijd voor t laatste stukje, en omdat de tv toch al aan was en ik nog moest eten besloot ik ook Project Runway te kijken.... en Janice Dick-nogwat- Agency, en pas bij Beauty And The Best realiseerde ik me dat ik geen tv hoefte te kijken (ik ben niet echt een Janice fan.... ik vind d'r een beetje eng), maar wilde wel wakker blijven tot m'n mannetje thuis zou komen.
Dus om 23:30 komt de lieverd binnen, we kletsen een beetje over de dag en nogwat, ik geef aan dat ik toch echt ga slapen want ik ben zo gaar als wat... er valt zo'n duffe stilte omdat we beide moe zijn en ineens zegt ie:

"Die blonde lag er bijna uit he?"..........


Oh! Hij revereerde naar America's Next Top Model, een programma die hij totaal niet boeiend vind! T klonk zo raar uit zijn mond, omdat ie echt geboeid had zitten kijken (op z'n werk)...
Hij had er ook echt een mening over.... Hij vond die blonde echt stom, maar begreep Tyra wel met haar keuze.....

*stilte*
En toen schoot ik kei hard in de lach....

Toch leuk als je mannetje zich zo verdiept in je favoriete maar onzinnige tv programmas.
Wat wil een chicka nog meer ;-)

Lunch with my little bro...

My little bro came by the store yesterday at lunchtime, so we grabbed a bite to eat at V&D.
It was great talking to him cause we don't see each other much. He's busy with school & recording his second album with F, and I've been busy with D. He gave me a compliment/ advise though, that left me giddy all day.He said I pull away too fast (in general) for fear of critisizm, and I needed to get over that cause it was my only flaw...... GRIN!!!!

Naturally, I focused on the word 'only' instead of 'flaw', and was, as I said, giddy for the longest.
But the message was clear....It gave me something to think about...

I've got a great brother.... :)